Death Of The Idiot Wizzard
by Professor Pineappasquiggle
Summary: Rincewind finds himself in yet another life threatening situation that is cleverly disguised as some inviting boredom. It's a shame it won't last... Oh and he dies.
1. Chapter 1: A Fishy Escape

Death Of The Idiot Wizzard

Description:

Rincewind finds himself in a discworld take on the Hunger Games, and once again calls upon his skills of running away.

Introduction : The Box

There he was.

In some completely mysterious and unknown place, never before seen by anyone but him, or some crap like that.

Rincewind was getting tired of this, it was always the same, completely unoriginal. Someone with some supreme power was trying to use or kill him and he never knew what for, either. Was there some kind of 'lets kill Rincewind club' out there? Honestly it was getting too much.

Finally, by a slim majority vote (the eyes and the brain didn't want to do any work, but the intestines wanted something to eat), he opened his eyes. He was so surprised that he shut them again, and after a while reopened them. Nothing had changed. He was in a white cube, about 2 metres in all directions, and that was as far as description goes. It was the most boring thing he'd ever seen, even the beaurocratic hell seemed like a something incredibly fun (fun enough to invent a new word for extremely fun) compared to this. There was nothing, no doors, no windows, not even a raised surface that he could call a bed.

Death by boredom.

Now that was original.

Well no, actually, it was so unoriginal that you never expected anything but a sad little cliché, but no there was nothing.

He decided to do a checklist, a Rincewind checklist:

Can you breathe? Yes.

Is the area flooding? No.

Is it full of horrible monsters? No.

Is the luggage here? No.

Is it at all dangerous in any way? No, unless you were afraid of nothing.

Is there anything to eat? He didn't think so, unless the walls were edible. It's not like there was anything else to eat anyway.

Can you run away? Not really, unless you only needed to run about 2 metres, so no.

Apart from the last 2 points, he thought he was quite well off. He began to wonder where the light was coming from, that allowed him to see the remarkable vista of white walls, and to think of it, the air was coming from apparently nowhere seeing as there was no ventilation. But that wasn't important now, he needed to quench his insatiable thirst for hunger. Food! He needed food. He poked the wall, it was , understandably, hard. Not intrusive hard, but a hard that demonstrates integrity in this wall, one that is not a good idea to run at. He did the most sensible thing, he ran at it. It was surprisingly soft for a hard wall and no pain came to his extended family of nerves. Somebody didn't want him hurt either. There was a tingle of fear that came with that realization, no one wanted Rincewind unharmed or even alive unless they really needed him, and that didn't tend to be to have a cup of tea and discuss the weather either.

He screamed, just to let it all out, and when he regained his senses, he said in his own signature way "Hello?" Nothing happened, aside from Rincewind confirming to himself that he could still talk.

He knocked on the wall.

Once.

Twice.

Three times.

Nothing happened. But then all of a sudden, in a seamless, mechanical way, part of the wall slid open.

Rincewind gasped. That wasn't supposed to happen, he was supposed to find no way out, and in that exact moment of realization, have the room fill with water whilst the antagonist explained their evil plan to him, and in the process give him just enough time to escape heroically, (or more likely the opposite, Rincewindishley).

The other side of the wall was completely black, which was a welcome change to the white everywhere else, but emitted an air of "you really shouldn't go in here, or you'll die a horrible death involving anchovies (or something equally horrible)" sort of feel. He hesitated for a moment, but when he thought "There could be food on the other side", he confidently secured his hat and set off into the darkness.

He had no idea what he was getting into.

He never did.


	2. Chapter 2: Time Crap

Rincewind emerged from the immediate darkness, into more darkness, and continued to do so until he tripped into more of the stuff and landed on a dark, painful ground. At least the divine entity didn't care that he was hurt now. That was encouraging. He seemed to have a mouthful of something reminiscent of dirt, and proceeded to spit it all out whilst climbing to his feet. He looked behind him, or rather in front of him. Or was it his right?where was he going?

He had no idea...at all.

The exact opposite of being sure, Rincewind trudged on, unaware that he was going the wrong way.

Or was it?

All this confusion was really annoying the old wizard, this wasn't how it was meant to be! He was supposed to be confronted by his capturer by now, not poked around a maze that he had no real intent to find what was at the end! No! Not at all! Rincewind began to contemplate the idea of creating light via magic, then he remembered. was it that the only magic he could actually learn was so mind-blowingly catastrophic that it would end up destroying the entire disc? Why not some more practical stuff, like small flames to light fires, or a cold breeze for those really hot days?

Nope. It was all or nothing for Rincewind apparently.

Something cut off his carriage of thought, when he slammed head-first into a solid wall, made of some stone that seemed specifically designed to be cold, before it slid upwards and caught on the man's nose in the process. A crack of light appeared at the bottom, and gave off a low pitched squeal, which made Rincewind jump. He was momentarily blinded by the light that steadily engulfed him from bottom to top, before he shook himself off to take a moment to study his surroundings. It was another room, this time lit and slightly more spacious. The actual design, however, was quite odd. It was as if someone who had lived in every imaginable time period had put things in it to make them look impressive, until it had been completely cluttered.

Try hard was a generous way to describe the air of the room. Rincewind was thinking something similar, except with more magic involved in his depiction. Finally, he actually entered the place to regard a very well painted artwork in an ornate frame, placed very strategically next to a thin rectangular box containing moving paintings inside. Utterly confused (and his eyes were hurting), he left through another door in the room that Rincewind had only just noticed, while the throbbing slowly subsided. He had seen much in there, much that he could not recognise. It seemed oddly enough that this made him more scared than everything else in this place had.

Damn it! He hadn't even thought to check for food! Too bad, he was not going back, regardless of how many sausages were hidden under all the time-crap. That place gave him the snapped back to his sudden reality. He was in another room, what was it with those things? It was annoyingly dim yet again, but He did not need to see to know there was something else in the room.

It growled.


End file.
